$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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