Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
