Bisexual people are plain selfish.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
