i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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