The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
