we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You dont lie about slip and slides
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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