Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
