Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
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