We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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