yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
