Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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