Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
