sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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