i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
