just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
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