I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
