How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
