Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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