I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
