He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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