I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
