My nipple is on Facebook.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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