are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
