we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
