Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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