Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
