No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
This toilet bowl is my home.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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