I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
