Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm having to shit out rocks
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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