You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
