True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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