I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
