Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
