??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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