There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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