Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
