We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
