Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
