I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Randomize
