My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i think i have two assholes
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
