She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I lost the right to judge tonight
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
FUCK WHALES
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
