Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
