apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
