There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
