You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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