I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
