He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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