I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
