idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I just pynch a tree in the face
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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