now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
