Me too!
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Someone shattered a urinal.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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