Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
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